The Cause of So Much Pain
by silly day
Summary: In New Moon. Jasper left the Cullen's temporarily to get a hold on things. And redeem his friendship with Bella. Will things go farther than they expected? How will Edward handle this?
1. Pain

_Okay, so I'm a total Edward/Bella fan but I couldn't help but fall in love with Jasper/Bella. So, I'm writing a J/B fanfic. I hope you all love it and are supportive in telling me what you think._

_Here we go!_

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_A/N I don't believe in rushing into the romance like some writers do. So, things will progress at their own rate. _

_No, Jasper hasn't been in love with Bella since the day he met her. He comes back to Forks to renew his relationship with Bella and try and to help her. There are other reasons but Jasper refuses to tell Bella. But, that will come later._

_Jasper comes back and is at the Cullen's house for a few days contemplating how to approach Bella. But, she misses Edward and after four and a half months of him being gone she decides to visit his house to try and find some closure._

_But, to her surprise Jasper is there. Immediatly he apologizes for all the pain he's caused her and our selfless Bella tells him she forgave him a long time ago._

_They agree to get to know each other and let him try to help her. She is desperate for anything that will keep her connected with Edward. For the next few weeks she visits him at the Cullen's house. They talk and do their best to get to know each other._

_She falls into a reutine of seeing him and is quite happier which everyone notices. Though neither of them plan for things to go anywhere past friends, things take a turn in the other direction._

_Now, the story will commence!_

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I pulled in front of the Cullen's house and Jasper was waiting for me by the door, as usual. A smile crept across my face at seeing my new found friend.

When I was with Edward I hardly ever looked at anyone else, but since finding friendship with Jasper I have taken in his appearance more.

His hair falls in beautiful blonde curls that accent his intense, golden eyes. His face has curved angels, but not as pronounced as Edward's. His frame is more muscular than Edward's yet still smaller than Emmet. And I adored his southern accent. It was twisted into his words in a way that most people don't notice. Everything about him screamed dangerous. But, I saw it as beautiful.

I pulled myself out of these reflections and hopped out of my truck. I grabbed my bag and then ran to the porch. As I approached him his smile grew, slightly dazzeling me.

We went inside and he took his usual seat in an arm chair and I grabbed one of the snacks he had stocked up on for me.

I then took my seat on the sofa and turned towards him.

Then I remembered the CD I had brought him. Yesterday I was appaled to learn that he had never listend to Linkin Park. So, I took it upon myself to bring a mix of my favorite songs by them.

I retrieved it from my bag and handed it to him. He popped it into the massive stereo system and let it play the first song. One of my favorites, breaking the habit, came on.

He sat back down and listened for a moment. "Not bad."

I laughed. "Admit it, you like them."

He smiled. And spoke in his deep southern voice. "All right, you caught me darlin'." We laughed and kept talking. We returned to a much explored subject of books. When I reluctantly mentioned my love of _Wuthering Heights _he laughed and disapeared. Less than a second later he stood in front of me and held out a book. I smiled at the all to familiar title.

"Edward hates this book." I said. We both grew a bit uncomfortable at the mention of him.

"You know darlin', at first I made excuses for him. Trying to make things alright." His tone turned cold. "But, after seeing what he's done, I would likely hurt him if he ever tries to come back to you." His eyes were fierce with anguish.

I laughed a bitter laugh. "I don't think that'll ever be necesary." In a second he was up and kneeling in front of me. He took both my hands in his and surprised me with his closeness. Ever since he'd come back we'd kept a safe distance from each other.

"Bella, you're worth more than he'll ever realize. Nothing would be able to keep me away from you if you were mine." His gaze was smoldering slightly. "He's a fool, darlin'. And if he's smart I know he'll come running back to you. But, I'll be here to protect you. . . if you want me to."

I understood everything he'd said. I loved how talked about me belonging to him. And in that moment I let myself feel the want to turn my broken heart over to him for safe keeping.

His thumb stroked my jaw line and his eyes held a deep smoldering fire. "Bella, don't hide your feelings, your driving me insane."

And I did, for a moment, let him feel what I was feeling. He smiled at me and I was surprised when I could feel him push his emotions to me. And I was even more surprised when I found them almost matching my own.

I could feel confusion, love, anger, lust, adoration, and so many other emotions laced through him. This man, who so many months ago took a swipe at my life, was now kneeling in front of me expressing feelings I had only ever felt from one man before.

At the thought of the one who still held a piece of my heart, I faltered and reined in my emotions. Jasper's face fell and went blank. His hand dropped from my face but he stayed where he was.

"Jasper, I-. . ." My voice broke and I couldn't believe I held these feelings for my ex's brother. I felt so horrible and couldn't stand it anymore. I pushed myself off the couch and grabbed my bag then made a quick escape to the door. If he wanted to, he could have caught me. But, he let me go.

I got to my truck and pulled out as quick as it would go pushing it hard down the Cullen's drive. When I hit the highway I let the truck slow. Before I knew what was happening, I pulled onto the shoulder and put my truck in park.

Suddenly, in one painful wave, all my emotions flooded through me at once. I screamed, slamming my hands onto my steering wheel, before my head feel onto it and broke down into sobs.

Edward had hurt me so badly, and now someone was here trying to take away that pain, and I wouldn't let him. I'd been trying desperatly to rebuke the feelings that were oh so innapropiate for my ex's brother, who was married! His mate was my bestfriend! Alice! Oh God what was I doing to Alice? She was my bestfriend and I was sharing intament moments with her soul mate!

How could I be so selfish? That's just it, I couldn't hurt my bestfriend for my own happiness. I couldn't let Jasper think he had feelings for me. He was in love with Alice. She was his other half and I refused to get in the way of that.

In my break down I hadn't noticed the figure standing next to my window. When I finally looked up I yelped. When I saw that it was Jasper I only broke down again.

I was in such a state that I didn't fight it when he unhooked my seatbelt and lifted me out of my truck. He then took me to the passenger side and set me on that seat and buckled the seat belt. A moment later he was driving my truck down the highway.

When my crying slowed I stared at him in a stupor. His hands gripped the steering wheel so that his knuckles stretched the skin whiter. The muscles on his forearm were flexed. His hair was wet and falling in his eyes. I glanced out the window and saw that it had been rainging steadily. I turned my attention back to him and gazed at his face. His brow was furrowed and he looked angry to the point that I was almost scared of him.

He glanced over at me and must have sensed how frightened I was, because his expression softened. "I'm sorry for frightening you, darlin'. . . I hate myself for causing you this pain. Instead of helping you I'm hurting you!" His voice sounded so broken and pained.

I couldn't help but reach over and place my hand over his. He sighed and I felt his grip on the wheel loosen slightly. "You'd better go inside, Charlie will be back soon." I glanced around and noticed that we were at my house.

Silently, I nodded and release his hand. Then, I grabbed my bag and slipped out of the truck. I went inside my house without looking back and started dinner. I burned myself twice because my vision was blurred with tears.

By the time I was done Charlie was in his chair in front of the T.V. and I was a total mess. I told him I didn't feel good and went to my room. The second my door was closed I collapsed on my bed and shed another onslaught of tears.

No matter what I did _I _was always hurting someone. I pushed Edward away and now I was going to lose my best friend completely because I was without question in love with her soul mate.

**A/N Ok so I hope you all didn't mind that I just told you what was going on to speed things along instead of telling you through the story. I would really like to know what you think and get any suggestions . . . **

**How'd like my portraying of Jasper??**

**-Day**


	2. Go Back to Her

The next day was horrible. Everything passed by at an agonizingly slow pace. Breakfast, school, and then the drive home. People spoke to me but words never left my lips. I was in deep thought and nothing was able to pull me out of it.

After school instead of driving to the Cullen's home like I had told Jasper I would, I went home. The only thing that I had been able to make sense of was the realization that I couldn't, wouldn't continue this relationship with Jasper.

I would never be able to hurt Alice like that. She would see everything before it happened and I knew it would kill her. I was surprised she hadn't seen us almost kiss. Or maybe she had and was at this moment thinking about how much she hates me and how horrible of a friend I am.

Also, entering into a relationship with him would be suicide for my fragile state. I don't mean physically. Edward's mark still ran deep in me and I knew just how in love Jasper was with Alice and anything with me would never last. He'd soon enough realize that I was a pathetic human and run back to the love of his existence.

At home I threw a casserole in the oven and then went upstairs to attempt some homework. But, who was I kidding? I couldn't concentrate and ended up staring out the window deep in thought. My mind was so far away it startled me when I saw an angel on my front lawn. I jumped slightly before becoming inexplicably happy. Which then turned to sadness at the words I knew I had to speak.

In his eyes I saw him silently asking to be allowed up. I nodded my head to him and a small smile spread over his face.

He was in my room in a flash, leaning against the window. I couldn't help but think about how beautiful he looked in his dark grey button-up shirt with rolled sleeves and dark blue jean pants. I tore my eyes away and concentrated on my twiddling fingers.

He broke the silence first. "You didn't come to my house. I was worried, darlin'."

My eyes bore into my hands. "I'm sorry for worrying you." I said in a small voice. I sneaked a peek at him and was again stunned by his beauty. Strong muscular arms that would never hold me with all the love they could offer, perfect smooth lips that would never meet mine, sweet smoldering eyes that would never hold the affection for me that they would for another. I tormented myself with these revelations and held back a sob.

He was kneeling next to me in an instant with both hands on my shoulders. "Bella, what's wrong?"

My emotions pooled out of me in a shameful manner. I decided then that I had to tell him everything I was feeling and then send him back to Alice.

I finally met his gaze when I spoke. "Jasper, I feel things for you that I only ever felt for one person. And it kills me when I feel those same emotions coming off of you. Because I know that no matter how much I want to keep you as my own, I can't. I know you'll always love Alice and I can't let myself come in the way of that. And even if I wanted to I'm not sure I could let you in."

His face was torn and shrouded with pain. "Bella, I have to disagree with you. Nothing could stop me from wanting to be with you. Not Alice or anyone else. You're the own I'm supposed to be with so there's nothing for you to get in the way of, darlin'." His eyes were pleading with me to believe him. "And please don't make me pay for my brother's mistakes." I had to drop my eyes at the mention of _him. _"Bella, I won't lie to you . . . he loved you so much but thought by leaving you he was protecting you. But, darlin', I love you so much that I could never leave you. . ." He lifted my chin so I would meet his gaze. "Please, let me show you how much I love you."

I stared into his eyes which were smoldering with emotions. I could see that he loved me. In those gorgeous, golden eyes I saw a life filled with love and happiness that had been torn away from me and I wanted it very, very badly.

But I couldn't be the one to tear it away from someone else. "Go back to Alice, you belong with her."

His hand fell from my face and he stepped away from me. But, his eyes were boring into mine with a fierce intensity. His next words were spoken softly but with an undeniable ferocity. "I belong with you."

He turned from me and walked to window but paused. "Will you go somewhere with me? Tomorrow?"

Though the better half of me wanted to tell him no, the stronger side of me felt that I should. Maybe I could get some closer. "Yes." I could only manage a whisper.

"Can I pick you up at eight?" he asked.

I thought it over for a brief second. Tomorrow was Saturday. Charlie was going fishing with Billy and Harry. "Ok." I whispered and then he disappeared out my window.

With unsure feet I scrambled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my flushed face. My heart beat was fanatic in my chest and I took several deep breathes to calm myself. Then I remembered that I had promised my best friend Jake I would hang out with him tomorrow.

I ran downstairs to the phone and dialed Jake's number. It rang for a moment and then his husky voice came through the line. "Hello."

"Hey, Jake."

His voice perked up perceptibly. "Hey, Bells, what's up?"

I took a deep breath and made up a quick lie. I'd been getting a little better at this. I told him that weeks ago I told Angela that I would hang out with her. Jake was sad but understanding and I promised that Sunday I'd go to La Push.

One stray thought ran through me head. Should I let someone know who I'm with, just in case? As soon as I had thought it I rebuked it. I could see that Jasper had grown a lot and could now say with confidence that he wouldn't hurt me. Deep, deep down I believed that Jasper Cullen was in love with me the same way I was in with him.


	3. Waterfall of Emotions

Saturday morning I woke up early. I changed quickly and ate a bowl of cereal with haste. Charlie was already gone with Harry so I wouldn't need to lie to him, too. By the time my bowl was washed a knock came from the door. I took a deep, deep breath and then slowly walked to answer it.

Jasper stood against the door frame with his hands in the pockets of a pair of dark jeans. His shirt was dark grey t-shirt. His pose and they beauty of it had me stunned. He broke into a cocky grin and said, "you okay, darlin'," My face changed to a dark shade of red and turned on my heel to grab my bag. I then followed him out to his car, I had no idea what kind it was but it was gorgeous. It was black and sleek with a very smooth appearance. It looked dangerous yet irresistible. _Just like its owner. _

He opened the door for me, an all too familiar gesture, and I slid inside. Immediately I was assaulted by his scent. It was musky and spicy and completely intoxicating. I refrained from inhaling deep breathes of it as he walked at a human pace to his side of the car.

I had always despised Edward's driving. It was fast and reckless. Even knowing that he had amazing reflexes could never calm me when he drove.

Jasper's driving was faster and even more reckless. But, not for a moment was I scared. I could hardly tear my eyes away from him as he drove. There was something fantastically beautiful about his driving. The way all of his movements seemed to flow into one. I was mesmerized and completely unafraid and felt a hundred percent safe.

He caught me looking at him and I dropped my eyes. After a moment he let out a low chuckle. "What," I asked, feeling suddenly self-conscious.

He laughed again before answering, "I always remember you being scared out of your wits whenever we drove."

I blushed deeply again and concentrated on my lap when I spoke, "I look at your driving differently now."

He looked at me with a hint of confusion on his face. "Please, explain."

I shook my head. "That's not a good idea." He continued to stare at me in a perplexed way before returning his gaze to the road.

He let the conversation drop and no longer questioned me. We finished the short drive in a comfortable silence. I was at ease and felt happier than I had in a while. Being with Jasper always made me feel like that. He lifted everything off my shoulders and let the old me show through. When I'm with him I'm no longer the scared Bella who hides away; I become the strong and confident Bella who doesn't need to depend on others. I was always depending on Edward and when he left I was lost. Now, I am learning to hold myself up.

In the midst of my reverie I hadn't noticed that we had pulled to the side of a dirt road and were utterly surrounded by dense, green forest. In a flash I was out of the car and standing next to him. His smile was full of secrets and hidden emotions.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me though the trees. Ahead, a dirt path led to a small, cascading waterfall that fell into a deep blue pool. Mosses and grasses surround the tiny pond with flowers and bushes framing it.

I smiled at the beauty of it all. Then my wandering eyes met his as they watched me intently.

"Jasper, it's gorgeous." I whispered not wanting to disturb the beauty.

He smiled and released the full force of his warm gaze. "Yes, it is." My face turned a deep crimson as I realized he wasn't talking about the water fall.

"Do you want to swim?" He asked me.

"I don't have a bathing suit."

He smiled and let go of my hand to pull his shirt over his head. "Neither do I." His perfectly chiseled, muscular chest captivated my gaze and I forced my eyes upward to his face as my turned crimson. He slipped off his shoes and jeans and tossed them to the side. Then with unbelievable grace he dove into the deep pool.

He resurfaced a moment later smiling. His eyes closed and he let his head fall back and his body float in the water. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him.

Before I knew what I was doing I pulled my shirt off. My sneakers and jeans slid off next. I was covered only by my bra and underwear when I glanced back to the water. Jasper's mouth was slightly ajar as his eyes roamed over my body. When his eyes met mine I turned an even deeper shade of red.

I walked next to the pool and stood on a rock to slide into the water. Unfortunately for me the rock was slippery. I lost my footing and my body angled backwards. Cold arms grabbed me around my waist and pulled me to the water.

I sunk under with him holding me tight as our bodies were entangled and the water rushed around us. We resurfaced and he was grinning. I should have been alarmed at our proximity with so little material between us, but all I felt was utter happiness and the intense heat that burned where our skin met.

Instead of letting me go, he pulled me closer. I was so lost in his eyes that I didn't notice as he pulled us closer to the edge where he was now standing on a rock and holding me up. His breath was cool on my face as we inched closer.

In that moment all of my insecurities flooded through me. I wanted more than anything to kiss him but was afraid he didn't want me to. I didn't want to push him too far. What if I kissed him and he pulled away?

His face changed as he was taking in my change of emotion. He pulled back slightly and then a new ferocity took over his features. His lips came crashing into mine. He pulled me even closer, eliminating any space between our bodies. Heat filled my lips as they moved against his.

My hand tangled into his wet hair and the other held his neck pulling me closer. His hands roamed down my back and he pulled me up as I wrapped my legs around him.

He pulled away and gave me a chance to breath as his lips moved down my neck. I sighed and pulled his lips back to mine when I had sufficient oxygen.

Our lips moved together and fought for control. Then, one word popped into my head.

_Alice. _

I froze and he pulled back. "Bella, what's wrong." He searched my face looking for the answer.

It killed me to stop kissing him but the thought of my best friend sent pain through me. "Alice." Was all I could say and all that seemed necessary.

He sighed and pressed his forehead against mine. His cool breath flooded me with his sent and made it extremely difficult not to kiss him again. "We need to talk." He said. That was an understatement.

He took an unnecessary deep breath and then pulled away from me. If he hadn't been staring down he would have seen the hurt that passed across my face. But I know he felt it, because his head shot up. His face showed a conflict raging inside him.

Finally, after an eternity he spoke. "After your 18th birthday party we moved to Alaska. Everyone was hurting and sad. I felt horrible knowing I had caused them their pain. But, Alice was the worst of all. In the beginning she tried to hide what she was feeling but it broke through. She was hurting so much and I caused it.

"After a few months, things got better. No one was the same but it was better. Amazingly none of them resented me but the pity they had for me was even worse.

"One day Alice had a vision. She was out of it for a long time and I couldn't snap her back. Finally, she came back and there was a horrifying fear in her eyes. I asked her about the vision and she said it was nothing. I didn't believe her but wasn't going to press for information.

"She had more visions that left the same look in her eye and she refused to tell me about them. And I could tell that something was changing. It wasn't the same change that had been happening for years. No, this change was sudden and abrupt. I knew it was only a matter of time before things came into focus.

"And they did. I walked into our room and she was sitting on the bed sobbing. I reacted instantly and wrapped her in my arms, but she pushed me away. She spoke through her crying, 'I'm so sorry, Jazzy.' I didn't know what she was talking about until she handed me a book. It was her drawing book. I opened it and the first pages were of me and our family. Then there was a guy. I didn't know who he was. There was picture after picture of him and Alice. Of him holding her. Of them kissing."

He shook his head and his pain was seeping into me. I reached for his hand under the water and found it clenched into a ball. He relaxed it at my touch and let me twine our fingers.

"I asked her how she could cheat on me. She broke down again and said, 'this- none of this has happened yet.'"

Jasper's body shook slightly and I could feel him trying not to squeeze my hand too hard. "I knew we wouldn't be together forever. Our relationship had slipped over the years. But, I never thought it would be from her falling in love with someone she had never met. That's what hurts. But, you've made it better." He pulled me in front of him and grabbed my other hand. "I wasn't in love with Alice any more. I hadn't been for years. But, the pain of losing my best friend is what is hurting me. Our life was comfortable and I was used to it. I didn't want to let go.

"But, I did when we both agreed that we were out of love. And she went to find _him _and I came to close up my guilt. Or at least that's why I originally came here. But, then I found more than I was looking for and I can't see myself leaving." The weight of his words fell on me. But, the weight of thinking I was hurting my best friend flew off my shoulders.

I was stunned and couldn't break out of my daze. But, his beautiful, southern voice broke through me. "Bella, I'm sorry if I said too much."

That snapped me out of it. I looked up at him and laughed nervously. My words fell out in a whisper, "Not . . . even . . . close." He smiled and pulled our lips back together. This kiss was slower with a deeper passion behind it.

We stayed like that for a while until the sky was perceptibly darker. Only when we pulled apart did I notice just how cold I was, as a shiver broke though me. "You're cold." He said. Before I could protest he had us both out of the water. He handed me my clothes and I slipped them over my wet skin. By the time my shirt was over my head he was fully clothed. I reached for my shoes and was about to slip them on when he grabbed my hand. "I'll carry you."

I hesitated for a fraction of a second before nodding my head. He took my shoes and then swung me onto his back; I locked my legs around his hips and my arms around his neck loosely. I breathed in his scent and brushed my lips across the skin on his neck. As we moved at a human speed I continued to trail my lips over his neck and behind his ear.

When the car came into view he slowed down. He kept walking while he pulled me around and set me on the ground with my back pressed against his car. His hands were on either side of my head and his face was inches from mine. "You make it _very_ hard to concentrate."

My breathing was shallow and my face turned red. "I'm sorry."

He growled and then his lips were practically touching mine. When he spoke they brushed across my lips. "Stop apologizing." He pressed our mouths together and pushed me against the car.

He passed boundaries Edward wouldn't even go near. But, I felt completely safe. He pulled away when I shivered involuntarily. He sighed, "We need to get you warm." He pulled me up and opened the door. Then, he pressed his lips to mine and pushed me down into the seat. He broke away with a grin and closed the door. Not even a second later he was next to me and his car was roaring to life. The heater was turned all of the way up and we were speeding along the road.

At his house he kissed me again before I climbed into my truck and drove home.

**A/N gah, im so sorry it took such a long ass time. I won't give you any excuses. But please forgive me and I really hope you all liked this chapter it was by far the funnest to write ;-). Review if you can it is greatly appreciated. **


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